we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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