I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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