I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
