i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
