Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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