he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
