I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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