In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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