Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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