went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
