Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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