my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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