capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
