I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
