The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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