At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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