When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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