So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
