She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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