i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
