it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
