Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
