Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
