Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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