so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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