A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
