I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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