The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
