ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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