oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
