I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
