ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
