he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize