Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
