I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
