And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
