We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
