We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
