i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
