what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
