I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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