Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
