Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
