I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
