So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
