will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
