he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
