Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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