im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
