dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
