I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
