i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
