What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
