On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Vodka?
Forever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
