Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
