I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
