She's JV to your varsity
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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