I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
