I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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