just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
