I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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