I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
