If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were trust falling into bushes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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