i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
