I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
