i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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