I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
